I am a mother of two. My daughter is older than my son by three and half years. Over the years my kids have been by best teachers, I must say tough ones at that! They taught me many vital life lessons and have been patient as I let go of my ‘not so good’ habits.
One of my many learning lessons is to understand the relationship between them as siblings, gently guide and help them enrich that relationship.
My daughter is very intuitive and emotionally intelligent and is quick to respond when asked for help. On the other hand my son is a keen observer who takes time to take a decision and is very good with his logical reasoning.
They are poles apart at the same time so much alike. I hope Parents with more than one child out there will resonate with it!
Sibling relations play an important role in the development of children’s understanding of their social, emotional, moral and cognitive worlds. In particular, siblings play an important role in the development of children’s understanding of others’ minds, namely their understanding of emotions, thoughts, intentions and beliefs.
Young siblings who engage in frequent pretend play demonstrate a greater understanding of others’ emotions and thinking, show evidence of creativity in their play. Thus, they are more likely to have meaningful and constructive play.
First-born siblings engage in leadership, teaching, care giving, and helping roles, whereas second-born siblings are more likely to imitate, follow and be a learner. Younger siblings often imitate the older child’s language and actions during play, which is one way to establish shared meanings about the course of the play. Siblings demonstrate the ability to teach one another while doing chores and also during ongoing interactions while playing together at home.
The natural power differences that result from the age difference between siblings mean that two children are likely to have different experiences in the family. For instance, second-born children have the benefit of learning from an older sibling, sometimes leading to precocious development in some areas.
The sibling relationship is a natural laboratory for young children to learn about their world. It is a safe and secure place to learn how to interact with others who are interesting and engaging playmates, to learn how to manage disagreements, and to learn how to regulate both positive and negative emotions in socially acceptable ways.
There are many opportunities for young siblings to develop an understanding of social relations. The occasions are endless where kids use their cognitive skills to convince others of their point of view, teach or imitate the actions of their sibling. The positive benefits of establishing warm and positive sibling relationships last a lifetime.
Over the years as I interacted with many parents as a Parenting Consultant, I felt there are five basic points to remember as a parent to help your children share a loving relation between them –
- Always let the older child take up bigger tasks than the younger one. If the task can involve the older one ‘taking care’ of the younger one, that’s super!
- Be a keen observer and DO NOT jump and resolve their conflicts straight away. Give them an opportunity to resolve among themselves. Only step in when needed. You will be amazed how well they can resolve their misunderstandings and disagreements when given a chance and trusted to do it on their own.
- Provide ample opportunities for them to work, play, and plan chores together.
My children were 10 and 6 years old when they planned a menu and prepared sandwiches and a simple dessert for our Anniversary. What more, the kitchen was clean! What more can I ask for?!
- Stir away from comparing them. Instead, always appreciate the good qualities that each one has as you speak to them. This forms the basis for their self-esteem.
My son would spill water as he brought the water glasses to the dining table. Instead of shouting at him or telling him that his sister didn’t drop water like he did, I would give him a glass of water and tell him, “You have such strong arms and hands. Can you please carry this water glass to the table.” Within a week there were no more water puddles near the table!
- Last but not the least, be a conscious parent with good listening ears! It takes you a long way in building a healthy relationship between you and your children and also among them.